|
[13 Aug 2004|01:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pieces, Hoobastank |
] |
( Boring... )
|
|
|
|
[11 Aug 2004|11:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
San Francisco, Alkaline Trio |
] |
I swear, i hate this fucking world. I hate people who treat my like shit. I hate being depressed. I hate being sad. I hate myself. I hate people. I hate everything. Only a few people make me happy now. I cant stand alot of people. I hate being stuck here in fucking Bakersfield. I should move to Arizona, but i cant cuz of Christina, but shes worth staying here. Well, today, went to the mall with Christina, teresa, holli. Walked around for a while, then walked to Holli's house. Andrea was there. Andrea is really cool, but Teresa makes it bad, cuz she keeps saying shes my fucking girlfriend. I swear Teresa, u need to stop with that shit. Well, I need to get away from here. Maybe i should go back to Oregon for another month, and not have contact with anyone here. Or maybe i should like, go down to LA and stay with Cassy, and not have contact with anyone here for a month. I can babysit her three kids, since they like me, and they listen, or at least they did last month. Well, i dont know, maybe i need to just not get on here no more. Maybe its this god damn computer that is making my life shitty. Well, i will never know till i get rid of it. My sister is taking my computer away anyways, so i wont be on here no more. Oh well, i dont care anymore. Okay, im going to go draw or write or go to something more important than sitting here.
~*Candace*~
|
|
|
| Who gives a shit? |
[09 Aug 2004|06:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Suicidal |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Letter, Flaw |
] |
Well, for a while now, ive been really depressed. I dont know why, but its really weird. I dont know what to do anymore. Maybe i just dont need to be here anymore. Maybe im just not wanted here anymore, and being depressed is a sign to leave this world. People say they love me, but why dont i feel loved? People say they care, but why do i fell like no one gives a shit? Why am i here, when i dont need to? Love is just a word. It doesnt truely have a meaning, unless you make an effort to make it sound like its true. People tell me they love me, but the next day, there talking shit about me. When people tell me they care, do they really care, or are they just saying that? I want the fucking truth, not a lie, just so i dont go and kill myself. I have been so close to killing my self this week. I dont know whats stopping me, but i guess it really means alot. I mean, my life is already fucked up enough, why not just end it now, before anything gets worse? Why dont i cut anymore? I could cut, and no one will knowm, but for some reason, i decide not to. I can just wear my sweater, or just stay home, till it scars up, then i can say i fell or make up some lie, and no one will ever know. Well, no one reads this anyways, so whatever. Im going to go call someone, or just go lay on my bed and play with my knives. I think tonight is a good night.
~*Candace*~
|
|
|
| Fuck this wold, fuck everyone |
[06 Aug 2004|09:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Fillthee, Otep |
] |
Well, its fucking Friday night, and im fucking stuck at home with my fucking sister and mom. Well, at least i got alot of thinking done. Well, after thinking for a few hours, i came up with what i am thinking about doing. I want to move with my dad, and get home schooled. Then i dont want to have anymore friends, because all i do, is put them through hell. I tell them my problems, even tho i know they dont give a shit. This isnt how everyone is, but pretty much all my "friends." What is a friend? Thats what i want to know. Ive been searching for the answer, but i havent found it yet. I really want to know, what a fucking true friend is. What does a true friend do? Who is a fucking true friend? See, i doubt there is anyone who is a true friend to anyone. I know people may say they are, but i doubt it. No one can be a perfect friend. No one is perfect, and no one will ever be. But then again, what is perfect? I surely dont know the true meaning. I doubt i will, but who cares. NO ONE. Thats right, no one gives a flying fuck. Okay, people may say they do, but truely, there going to forget the next day. There just going to go on with there life, not giveing a shit about anyone but there self. Yea, all this shit im saying, u may think that its not how i truely feel. You think that im just in a bad mood, but no, this is how i felt a long time. Ive been hurt by so many fucking people, and im tired of it. Ive been hurt by all my friends, even if its over a little thing, i still fucking got hurt. I take things serious, but no one thinks i do. People think im just a fucking immature little kid, who fucks around, and never gives a shit about things, but that isnt true. I fucking have a heart too. Its been stepped on, broken, stabbed. Everything bad happens to me, and i hate it. Hey, i may only be 14, but it seems like ive been through everything bad possible. Also, even tho im 14, people think that im a little kid still, and i dont have any feelings and that it doesnt matter if i get my heart broken, or i lose a friend. Im sorry, but things get to me to easily, but i cant help it. Ive been through so much hell, and i just cant risk anything anymore. Well, i doubt anyone will read this, so i dont want to waste my time on this crap. BYE!
~*Candace*~
P.S. This isnt to everyone, well, almost.
|
|
|
|
[05 Aug 2004|12:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Culo, Pitbull |
] |
Damn this really sucks. Christina is going camping for a week, i think. I wont be able to talk to her :( Well, Ashlee FINALLY coming home today, but she wont be here that long, cuz shes going to a basketball camp thingy. Damn, theres going to be NO one to talk to. Oh well, ill live. Well, last night, i talked to Ashlee for TWO hours. Lol she got tired, so she went to bed. Well, tomorrow, i have to go to the movies with this little boy Joe, so i guess im going to the MP anyways. But after the movie, im coming home to get ready to go bowling with Ashlee and Brianna. Hopefuly Terri is home, so she can go too. I really want to see Terri. Justin might go, but i doubt it. I havent seen Ashlee since school got out, and thats a long ass time ago. Well, ugh, im SoOoO bored with NOTHING to do, at all. Saturday, i have to go to my little Joe's birthday party. Its going to be so fun hanging out with him, cuz i beat him up all the time. Sunday, if Terri is in town, im going to church with my grandma, but if she aint in town, i might just stay home, and sleep. I need to make plans for next weekend, because i think im going to my dads house and i cant call anyone, or get on the computer. Well, i finally got my cell to work, but i cant talk on it that long. But it aint like anyone calles me anyways. Damn, i dont know why im wasting my time on this gat shit. I mean, no one reads it, and if somone does, no one gives a flying fuck about me. Oh well, i need to go get ready, even tho i aint doing anything today. I LOVE uh.... christina, teresa, charles, and uh... thats it! w/e bye
~*Candace*~
|
|
|
|
[03 Aug 2004|04:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Remember, Kundialini |
] |
Well, its been a few days since i updated this, so since i dont have anything else to do, i guess i can update. Well, Monday, i did nothing at all untill later that night. My mom and sister went to Incubus, and fucking left me here. THen Justin came over here, and we ordered pizza. It was alrite, not the best but yea. Today fucking sucked. I didnt do anything at all. I want to go to my grandmas house, but my mom wont take me. I talked to Christina for about 5 min. this morning, and i talked to TEresa for about an hour or so. Uh.... then i went to KFC to see my sister and to get a salad. It was good, but yea. Well, alrite, nothing else to say. Oh yea, i found the cord for my computer, but i dont know how to upload my computer. Oh well, ill try later. Now im going to go and find something to do. <3
~*Candace*~
|
|
|
|
[01 Aug 2004|12:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
uh... nothing now |
] |
I didnt leave, and i guess i will keep updating, since i have nothing else to do. But yea, okay day. Went bowling with Brianna and Justin. I had alot of fun hanging out with Brianna, since i didnt have much time during school. Well, yea, im bored, and i made a quiz. Take it, and dont lie.
~*Candace*~
http://www.blunttruthgame.com/takesurvey.cfm?uid=6397211
|
|
|
|
[31 Jul 2004|01:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Slide Along Side, Shifty |
] |
You know what, screw this crap. Im running away tonight. My mom is a fucking bitch. I swear she pisses me off. Oh well, i am leaving, and no one can stop me. Oh yea, i think this will be my last entry, because i wont have a computer anymore. Oh well, uh... i would say call my cell to see where im at, but my cell dont work, so yea, no one can get a hold of me, and no one knows where im going. Whatever, i need to go start getting ready. BYE
~*Candace*~
|
|
|
| No more, & this is final |
[30 Jul 2004|11:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Heart of Polka is Still Breathing, Story of the Year |
] |
The end, no more, never again. Well, yea, no more LJ, no more MP, no more anything. Maybe no more me, but iunno. I could of made that possible tonite, but i was just thinking, and i decided not to do anything. Well, yea, i probably wont update on here anymore, cuz its a waste of time. No one cares, so yea. I dont want to be like everyone else, so im going to quit on this crap. Well, at 2:15 i went to the movies with Brianna, my new best buddy, and my cousin. We had fun, other than there were these three bitched screaming during the whole fucking movie. Then i called my friend, and he said that his parents were home, and he couldnt have anyone over, so i decided to go to the MP. I was sitting at a table, and then my cousin showed up. I guess he just got off of work, and decided to stick around for a while. Well, after an hour, our firends Marissa, Gene, and Ricky showed up. Gene fucking burt my arm again, cuz i hit him. I promised i wouldnt hit him, but i hit him again, and he said if i ever hit him, he would burn me like last time. Well, we all walked around trying to get weed, for them, but no luck. We had fun anyways. Well,alrite, since this is my last time updating, im going to go talk on the phone. I need to tell someone exactly how i feel, so i can get it all out, but yea, i only found one person. W/e, im OUT!
~*Candace*~
|
|
|
| Confused, alone, scared, no one cares |
[29 Jul 2004|10:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
im pissed, watch out! |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Darkside, Crazy Town |
] |
Um.. I really know what to say. Im not really in a good mood today, but thats normal for me. Well, last night i went out to dinner with my sister and her boyfriend. I also went to the mall to get new shoes. I was in Spencers, and i seen Scott, so i wanted to get out sooner, but my sister wouldnt leave, so i guess he seen me. Well, when he left, he turned around, and fliped me off. I swear to god, im going to kick his ass. He just pissed me the fuck off. Well, i guess hes just pissed that i kicked him in the balls, but he had no right to call Teresa a hoe, and im sorry, he should of made sure i didnt find out, but oh well, i did. I also seen my cousin uh.. i cant spell her name. Im so stupid, but everyone knows that. Well, while i was in Impact, this weird alarm went off. It said an emergancy has been reported, and that we had to find the nearest exit and leave. The last time that happenend, was two years ago, on fourth of July, in Vegas. Me, my mom, and sister were eating dinner, and then some loud ass alarm went off. Well, yea, i have nothing else better to talk about, and thats the only thing that i thought about. Well, i might just quit this LJ thing, cuz i dont think anyone cares what i do, or think, or say. No one really comments, and i doubt anyone reads this. Well, today im going to the movies with my sister, her friend, and her son. Then i dont know what im going to do. I might go to the mall again, but that sorta gets boring. Yesterday i wanted to go with Justin, and Charles, but Justin was being stupid, so i just left my grandmas house, and went home and then i left to my soon to be brother-in-law's house. I cant wait till i go on a trip with them, cuz now i will be able to be on the internet where ever i go, cuz i get to use his labtop. :D Well, alrite, i know no one reads this crap, or at least no one reads it all, so ill just leave. I need to get ready anyways. Oh yea, i want to find something else that there is to do on Fridays. The MP is really getting boring, and i just dont know, i need to find something else to do. Well, maybe i could just stay home. Iunno, ill see about that later.
~*Candace*~
|
|
|
| Good Morning |
[26 Jul 2004|02:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 not normal |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
All the songs from Bleed the Dream |
] |
Well, yesterday went alrite. Actually, it didnt, but yea, i dont wanna talk about it. I had fun at Jerry's untill my mom came and picked me up early. I wasnt suposed to go home, but she came and got me, so i had to go with her. Well, alrite, today i got an e-mail from Bleed the Dream, and it was a letter from Scott to everyone on there mailing list. Well, towards the bottom of the e-mail, it had Scott's e-mail address, so i e-mailed him just to see if he would reply to me, and he did. I will put the e-mail on the bottom of this entry. Well, theres really nothing to do today. Im grounded for a week, but oh well. Its no big deal, i just cant go anywhere untill uh next Monday. Oh well, i wasnt planning on going anywhere anyways. Well, alrite, im going to go and look on sites. Ill up-date tonight if i can.
~*Candace*~
Hey Candace, that is so cool of you, thank you so much. You put a smile on my face today for sure. Yeah, not being able to play drums with the boys is the hardest part. Part of the month i feel ok and the only reason i can't play the drums is because i have a pick line in my arm, that is attached permanantly until i am done with the chemo. Uugghh. I should be all done with it by the end of the year, so until then... Thank you again for writing and putting together that donation for me, you are too cool. I'll talk to you later, yeah? Scott - Bleed the dReam.......
|
|
|
|
[25 Jul 2004|08:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 rushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Dead on Arrival, Fall Out Boy |
] |
Well, since i probably wont update later on tonight when iget home from Jerry's, ill just update now, even tho nothing good has happenend today yet. Well, im just waiting for my grandma 2 come pick me up so i can go to church. I FINALLY get to see my Terri. :D Im so happy. She better not have gone to the 6 o'clock mass. Well, After church, im going bakc to my grandmas house to eat. Then after a while, my grandma is taking me and Justin to Merissa's house, for band practice. Im bringing my CD player, cuz i dont want to listen to them practice. Then we are going to go over Mikes house to pick him up, then we are going to walk down town to Jerrys, and then Justin is going to drop me off there, once i find someone i know. Then i guess i will see Fall Out Boy. Then my mom is going to pick me up around 12. Then iw ill come home and update, and see if i said exactly what did. Well, my grandma is here, and Justin is knocking on my door, so that means i have to leave. <3
~*Candace*~
|
|
|
|
[19 Jul 2004|10:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
moody |
] |
| R | Realistic | | E | Emotional | | G | Good | | R | Radical | | E | Earthy | | T | Tasty | | H | Honorable | | I | Ideal | | S | Shiny | | _ | | | K | Kinky | | I | Intense | | S | Strong | | S | Stunning |
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
|
|
|
| LOST |
[15 Jul 2004|12:51am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Lost |
] |
Lost
I sit here lost in my own world and the physical world. Im lost like a child that lost his mommy at the mall, but im not looking for someone, im looking for me, my personailty, my own thought, my own life, and meanig. My parents treat me like shit, always want to know where im at or who im with. I feel lost. Im left behind in the dust. All my freinds found them self but im still looking for me. I left it behind, im on my way to another life and maybe a new one? Im leaving this shit behind! Im gone! Im gone, im lost, or am i?
This how i feel right now. :( Now im off to bed, to nightmare land.
~*Candace*~
|
|
|
| Weird day, but nothing new |
[15 Jul 2004|12:06am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pieces, Hoobastank |
] |
Today, not the worst, and not even close to my best. I went to my friend Brian's house. When i was over there, i played with his little brother Alex. Well, once i got home, i went in my room to think about stuff, but the stuff i did think about, is what i was scared i would think about. Well, i dont get it, but thats what happenend. Im waiting for my sister to bring me ice cream, but she takes to long. Well, a while ago when Christina was on, i was talking to my friend, and i was thinkint about running away to her house, so i can get away from things for awhile. When i told this to Christina, she said if i went, i didnt love her, so i cant go. Then i had to promise on all of her happieness that i would stay home. Then i just told Ashlee the same thing, and she said if i went, me and her wouldnt be friends anymore. I hate the fact that i tell people things that i know they wont like that im about to do, and they change my mind about it, and i dont do it. Well, this Friday, Christina isnt going to the MP, so its not going to be the same, cuz every time that i have been there, she has always been there, but at least i get to see Joey. I hope Teresa still goes, but if she doesnt, oh well, it will suck even worse tho. Tomorrow i get to go see Hoobastank. I want to go, but then again, i dont cuz its going to be hot outside, and to many people. Well, i really wish that more of my friends were going, but i dont know one person going, other than my mom, sister, her soon to be husband, and my sisters friends. My cousin might go, but i dont really care. I need to fix my phone cuz it dont work anymore. I dont know whats wrong with it, but it just wont work. Alrite, i think this is enough, and i have my ice cream, so i can just go jump in bed, and watch some TV till i fall asleep. I will up-date later with more news about my stupid life.
~*Candace*~
|
|
|
| HOME....AT LAST!! |
[13 Jul 2004|03:29am] |
Well, finally, after a long month, im home. Well, it feels great to be home again. Well, tomorrow, i NEED to see Christina and Teresa, but i dont know what im doing. The trip home was to effin long. 16 1/2 fucking hours on the road. Well, its all worth it because im finally away from that house, and i get to see all of my friends. Well, me and Ashlee are fighting again. Damn, me and her fight too much, and its sorta annoying, because i want to know if me and her are friends, or not. Well, okay, its freakin 3:30 in the morning, and ive been up since 6:00 in the morning yesterday, so im going to sleep. I will update tomorrow if i can. If anyone wants to get together to do something, just give me a call. 472-9068, i think thats my number. Oh well, no one will try to call anyways.
~*Candace*~
|
|
|
| TWO DAYS LEFT! |
[10 Jul 2004|07:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 relieved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
some song thats been playing all day |
] |
Alrite, i have pretty much only one more full day here left. Today, i was suposed to go somewhere, but i decided not to. Well, im like, ready to leave right now. I have everything ready, and i said goodbye to all of my friends that i made up here. Well, last night Bleed the Dream played at Jerrys, but they played a short set because the singer was tired, plus, Keith, the bass player, wasnt feeling good. My sister was there, and i got to talk to Keith, but not for long because the lights on my sisters cell phone were bugging him, and he had to go set up to play. Well, alrite, i probably wont update tomorrow, because i will be out at the beach, for my alst camp fire at the beach. Well, now im going to go take out the trash, and clean up the room where i was staying in. I will see everyone soon, and i will be happy when i do. Well, alrite, im leaving now. BYE!
~*Candace*~
|
|
|
| Happy!! |
[08 Jul 2004|11:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hyper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
some song on TV |
] |
Well, at midnight, i will have pretty much 4 days left. I can not wait, but i dont want to leave, because ive got attached to this one guy who lives down the street, and ive become really good friends with this girl. But, i have to go home, to see Christina and Teresa. :D That is really the only reason im going back home, but whatever. Okay, tonight was so fun. My friend Kristina, got in trouble, so she had to stay in, so i got to be my normal self out side with all of my friends. Bray, the guy i like, he threw me to the ground, and jumped on me, but ill stop there. Well, the adults are coming home, so i need to get off, and head to bed. Plus, tomorrow, im going to go play the guitar with Bray. Ill try and update right before i leave, but i dont think i will be able to. I miss everyone
~*Candace*~
|
|
|
|
[07 Jul 2004|11:17pm] |
|
Why so i hurt inside so much?
|
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
regrethis_kiss's journal